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Why I write "SBS"

To Quote Jessica Rabbit, "What can I say? He makes me laugh."
How do I decide what to post? Quite simply, if it makes me laugh so hard that I snort, it goes on the blog...Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

#48 - Meatloaf vs. Meatloaf...

While parking at the gym...
Me: Is there enough room on your side for you to get out of the car?
Brian: There is enough room for me and a meatloaf.
Me: The food or the singer?
Brian: I wondered if you would as me that, LOL.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

#47 - Why I yelled "STAY AWAY FROM THE CATS BRIAN!!!"...

Me: Michael's is having a 30% off sale tomorrow.
Brian: I can finally make those Velcro suits I've always wanted to make for the cats.
Me: STAY AWAY FROM THE CATS!!!

#46 - Brian contemplates the mystery goo...

When contemplating a mysterious pile of goo on the floor, Brian says "let's play a game called 'what end of the cat did that come out of".

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

#45 - Brian renames his "pie-hole"...

Me: "There is a book about how our hormones affect our behavior. I think it would help us understand each other better."
Brian: "What's to understand? Cheese goes here!" (motioning to his mouth)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

#44 - The genesis of tequila...

Me: What is Tequila made of anyway?
Brian: Angry cactus baby, angry cactus.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

#43 - Bread, huah, what is it good for...

Bread is just an umami catcher (i.e. for sopping up the gravy)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

#42 - I didn't know you could do that...

Brian: Baby, you bunched up the rug.
Me: Holy cow, the world is going to come to an end!
Brian: Yes it is. I scheduled it. Didn't you look on the Mayan calendar?

#41 - How to piss off a geek...

While watching the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon's World of Warcraft account was hack and all of his "things" stolen, Brian said "I am filled with nerd rage!"

#40 - The infinite loop...

"We should avoid cliches like the plague".

#39 - Wah, wah, wah...

While watching a commercial for the new Wendy's fish sandwich, Brian said "Nice codpiece".

#38 - Thank God Brian is not an architect...

Brian: Turn next to the building that is taller on the top than it is on the bottom.
Me: Um, Brian, ALL buildings are taller on the top than they are on the bottom.
Brian: Ugh, I meant to say "wider", not "taller".
Me: ROFLMAO!!!

#37 - Some things are just emasculating...

"It's hard to feel manly while eating a pink cupcake, even if you are drinking a beer!"

#36 - Things I never thought I would see or hear...

"Letting wine go bad is like making clowns cry. It's just wrong." Then, he started singing "When Doves Cry" but substituting the word "dove" with "clowns".

#35 - If Michael Jackson were a chef...

I was singing along to Michael Jackson's "Beat It" when Brian says "to stiff peaks." What a foodie :-)

#34 - Don't listen to the cat...


"I don't understand why people ask a groundhog when spring is going to come. You would have more luck asking Cori (our cat) who she thinks will win the Super Bowl"

#33 - Clearly, that would freak me out...

"What would freak you out more: finding out that you have a long-lost half-sister or seeing a talking peanut?"

#32 - I can't imagine why I lost my appetite...

When I asked Brian if the hummus tasted funny, he said "why, what is it, clown paste?"

#31 - Where does he get those wonderful toys...

"I need a wet-cat gun" (meaning it shoots wet cats at people)

#30 - No, but I don't think she could lift you...

"Would it be inappropriate for me to have a bikini model as a pallbearer at my funeral?"

#29 - I think it was a little more sophisticated than that...

Me: Did you know that Bruce Lee invented protein shakes?
Brian: He crushed a chicken and an egg into a cup?! (makes a cramming motion into an invisible cup)

#28 - Ain't it the truth...

When driving past The School for the Deaf and the Blind, he said "Oh look, it's a school for referees!"

#27 - Maybe they do valet. They are wearing tuxes...


"BRRR!!! It's so cold outside, I had to shew penguins out of my parking space".

#26 - Jaws II, revenge of the food...

"This food is the culinary equivalent of a shark! It has reached evolutionary perfection! There is no room for improvement."

#25 - What would happen if they bred...

I think jellyfish just roam the oceans in search of the elusive peanut butter fish.

#24 - Sexy fridge?

When discussing the news report about fridge fires and how to find out when your fridge was made, Brian said "just look on the underside of your fridge for a sticker, plus you can find out if you have a boy fridge or a girl fridge".

#23 - Brian, I think you might be a redneck...

Brian just asked me "what kind of wine goes with the McRib sandwich," to which I replied "either boxed or Boons Farm".

#22 - Or a manly manicotti...

If I were a pasta, I would be called Testosteroni!

#21 - Things that go "duh" in the night...

I was singing along with the Ghostbusters theme song. When I sang the line "I ain't afraid of no ghost," Brian said "Who are you kidding?!"

#20 - Anything but you trying to rap...


(in his best Beastie Boys impression) So, whacha whacha wanna watch? (and then he tried to dance like Michael Jackson)

#19 - It ain't your momma's grandfather clock...

I am the awesomeness that quacks at midnight!

#18 - That was nice of you...jerk!

After being told to raise his right hand, "I solemnly swear that I will wake my wife up when she tells me to, not 30 minutes later because I think she needs more sleep, thus making her late for work."

#17 - Not exactly a lucrative business...

I can understand somebody who makes funeral cakes being an a$$ but how can you be a bitch if you make wedding cakes?" (about grumpy people in an otherwise happy industry)

#16 - Ain't no better cure for the blues...


Take 3 Metallicas and call me in the morning.

#15 - He is...the most interesting man in the world...

I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am :-) (He might have stolen this one from James T. Kirk, but it's still pretty good)

#14 - As evidenced by the turkey on your head...


Me: You are goofy.
Brian: I am made of goof?
Me: Yup.
Brian: Garsh!!!

#13 - Let's call that plan "B"...

When asked if he would like to go see the new Barbie movie, he said "Why don't you go see it while I sit in the car and punch myself in the nuts!"

#12 - The Darwin awards...

"People shouldn't be afraid of flying. You are more likely to die from falling out of the bed."

#11 - I saw it in the Sears catalog...

"There is a machine that can convert vegetables into bacon?! Oh, a pig!

#10 - It doesn't need more cowbell?

When listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, he said "All songs should end with a gong."

#9 - I don't know how to respond to that...


I should be a teeth model!

#8 - Why Brian will never own a Chihuahua...

"It's not a dog if you can drop-kick it!"
(Disclaimer: Brian has NEVER kicked a dog so this theory has never been tested, nor will it every be)

#7 - Big...Red...Balls...

When waiting for Wipeout to start, he yelled "Make with the falling!"

#6 - But where would we do the chicken dance?

Coming up on our 1 year anniversary, I asked Brian if he would have changed anything about the wedding. He replied, "I would have had the reception in a bowling alley instead of that big fancy reception hall." I married a true romantic ;-)

#5 - Ha ha ha, good luck with that...

So, I told Brian that my doctor says I shouldn't eat vegetables with the skins on them and he says "You mean I have to peel broccoli?!"

#4 - Just don't say "I can't believe men can't give birth"...

Regarding the fact that his on-call pager went off after he jinxed it by saying "I can't believe my pager hasn't gone off all week": He says "I don't believe in jinxes. If that were true, the human species would cease to exist because men wish for sex all the damn time and it comes true!"

#3 - Must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque...

"Your dead to me" (spoken to the GPS when we missed our exit)

#2 - The X-Men Demolition Derby...

B: If I were Magneto, I could single-handedly clear up Virginia traffic in about two months!
My response: Thank God you are not. Virginia traffic would be better but the crime rate would go way up!

#1 - Being Brian Malkovich...


"Hell yes I would have a drink with myself. Hell, I would even try to pick me up!"