Stuff Brian Does #3 - A Declaration of Defamation (A.K.A. Wine, Cats, Vacuums and Chuck Norris)

Brian has a bad day, part one:
So, Brian and I decide to pop the cork on a bottle of Cabernet Franc that we have been aging for a year. We finally sit down to relax and enjoy our wine when Brian knocks his full glass over onto his computer. Fortunately, the lid was closed so most of it got on all the miscellaneous items on his computer cart. We spend the next 30 minutes mopping it up and throwing away the "casualties", mostly magazines, coupons and receipts and such. Brian pours another glass of wine.

Brian has a bad day, part two:
Brian goes to sit down for his second attempt to drink the wine we have been patiently waiting to drink for the last year. Meanwhile, I have finished my first glass and am starting my second. As he goes to sit down, his hip bumps the computer cart and, once again, wine goes flying everywhere. Only, this time, the glass, which happens to be a collector's piece from Gray Ghost Wineries, happens to shatter all over the floor. He proceeds to stand there barefoot in the sad burgundy remnants of a wine I am fully convinced he is never going to taste in this lifetime, shouting profanities that I dare not mention at the risk of scaring small children (and adults for that matter). I run for the flip flops while chanting "don't move, don't move, don't move," while quietly praying that he doesn't go all Chuck Norris on the computer cart or, frankly, anything within reach. He somehow manages to remain calm while I bring him his flops. We do the whole mop, scrub n’ toss thing again, topped off by a vacuum vs. cat scenario that ends with Cabernet colored paw prints down the hall. Finally, he sits down and sighs, slumped over in defeat. I ask him “Do you want me to pour you the last glass of Cabernet in a tumbler?” He ponders for a moment then says, with a look of both guilt and fear, “No. I think I am just going to punch myself in the nuts and go to bed.” He takes one sip of wine from the bottle and heads upstairs, having won the battle but lost the war.